Weight issues

Ok so I’m not the thinnest guy around.  In fact, I feel a certain pride in my culinary and gastronomic adventures.  So I was horribly offended today when, after months of radio silence – even by my doctor, who is anything but demure – I was brusquely told that I was too heavy.  Nor was this insult the end of it.  I was given an immediate ultimatum.  Find a way of losing several kilos NOW, or else.

I have to admit that my knees briefly shook, and I quavered at the vague but disastrous sound of the “or else”.  What could I do?

Fortunately, I gripped my resolve with both hands, and started sweating, straining, and even got down on my knees.  Not to plead, but to work off that weight somehow.

After a mere, yet painstaking and only slightly humiliating fifteen minutes, I managed to lose four kilos!  In fifteen minutes!  And still I looked no different than I had a short while earlier.

In summary, airport staff – and airlines - are better at weight-loss than any crazy miracle diet, nutritionist or personal trainer.  Despite losing four kilos in such a short time though, I was still overweight by a further full four kilos.  For my weight-crime, I was fined a hefty forty Euro penalty.  That’ll teach me to over-pack.  As a bonus, I gave away a twenty euro bottle of fancy pants skin cleanser to the lady at the payment counter.  Wouldn’t have been allowed on the plane, the bottle being too big.

As a final gripe, who the hell can pack two suitcases and only carry twenty-three kilos in total?  What are you carrying?  Foam pillows?

Maybe that’s the solution to obesity.  Lose weight or pay a fine.  It’s already done at airports, so it’s not revolutionary.  You can bet governments are going to consider it soon enough.  And why pay the money to some diet centre?  Just have a weight jar at home.  Set a reasonable weight loss goal.  Set a date to achieve that goal.  Set a reasonable motivational fine, say a dollar/Euro a day.  Pay the fine every day you haven’t achieved the target weight.  Once you reach the date you’ve set out, either spend the money on something nice to show off your new slimmer bod.  Or go to a fancy restaurant, to assuage the emotional trauma from the guilt and deprivation you’ve subjected yourself to.